Allah Almighty says: {and treat them kindly} [Surat an-Nisā’: 19] Allah Almighty also says: {You will never be able to maintain absolute justice between your wives, no matter how keen you are. So do not completely incline to one leaving the other in suspense. If you do what is right and fear Allah, Allah is surely All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.} [Surat an-Nisā’: 129]
1) Husbands are urged to treat women gently and live with them in a way that is best; a husband should not seek to get his rights in full because fulfilling his rights in full by the wife is unachievable, just as it is not within his ability to fulfill her rights upon him perfectly.
2) The Shariah-enjoined treatment is that which conforms to custom, i.e. what is commonly known and accepted by average people.
273/1- Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Treat women kindly, for the woman was created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its uppermost part. If you try to straighten it, you will break it; and if you leave it, it will remain crooked, so treat women kindly.” [Narrated by Al-Bukhāri and Muslim]
Another narration by Al-Bukhāri and Muslim reads: “A woman is like a rib, if you attempt to straighten it, you will break it; and if you enjoy her company, you will do so while crookedness remains in her.”
In a version narrated by Muslim: “The woman was created from a rib and she will never be straightened for you; so if you want to enjoy her company, you will do so while crookedness remains in her. If you attempt to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her.”
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1) An instruction from the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) for men to live with their wives in kindness. A husband should take what his wife offers willingly and easily.
2) If you dislike some of your wife’s manners, you surely like some other manners, so let the latter make up for the former, and keep on showing patience and giving advice until matters are set right.
3) The Lawgiver (Allah Almighty) is careful to maintain marital affection and provide all that reinforces it, by encouraging pardon and forgiveness and constant giving of advice.
274/2- ‘Abdullah ibn Zam‘ah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that he heard the Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) delivering a speech where he mentioned the she-camel (of Prophet Sālih) and the one who slaughtered it wrongfully. He (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: “{When the most wretched among them rose [to kill the camel].} A wicked man of authority and power within his people rose to kill it.” Then he mentioned women, and said as he offered them admonition concerning them: “Some of you would whip your wife as if she were a slave and then he might have intercourse with her at the end of the day.” Then he gave them admonition regarding their laughter at farting, saying: “Why should one of you laugh at what he does?” [Narrated by Al-Bukhāri and Muslim]
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1) Marital happiness is based upon love and affection.
2) Although the Shariah permits a man to beat his wife, such beating is meant only for discipline and admonition, not for punishment and humiliation.
The sermons of the Messengers of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) were of two types: regular sermons and occasional sermons.
Regular sermons are like the sermons delivered on Friday, the two days of ‘Eid, Istisqā’ (prayer offered to invoke Allah for rain at the time of drought), Kusoof (prayer offered when there is an eclipse) and the like.
Occasional sermons are those offered when an occasion arises that warrants delivering a sermon, so the Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) would get up and deliver a sermon to people in order to instruct them and give them guidance on the situation.
275/3- Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” [Narrated by Muslim]
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1) One has to adopt justice and fairness, so when your wife offends you, do not focus on the current offense, but recall the past with its kind company, as this urges the husband to pardon and forgive.
2) The Shariah calls for justice, and to observe justice in the marital life one has to weigh good and bad behaviors and see which of them has more impact on their life, then let him base his judgment according to it.
3) The guidelines the Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) set for dealing with women should also be followed in dealing with others, like friends and the like.
276/4- ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that he heard the Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) say in the Farewell Hajj, after he praised Allah Almighty and extolled Him, and gave reminder and admonition to the people: “Treat women kindly, for they are like captives with you; you have no right to treat them otherwise. If they are guilty of manifest immorality, then do not share their beds and beat them lightly. If they return to obedience, then do not take further action against them. You have rights over your wives and they have rights over you. Your right is that they do not permit anyone you dislike to sit on your bedding or enter your home, and their right is that you treat them well with regard to their food and clothing.” [Narrated by Al-Tirmidhi; he classified it as Hasan Sahīh (sound and authentic)]
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The Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) likened the situation of a woman being under the authority of her husband to the situation of a captive. Do not have recourse to anything else against them: i.e. do not seek a way to argue against them and hurt them thereby, and Allah knows best.
Indecency here refers to the wife’s disobedience to her husband as evidenced by the statement of Allah Almighty mentioned thereafter: {Then if they obey you, do not take further action against them. Indeed, Allah is Most High, All-Great.}
They do not permit anyone you dislike to sit on your bedding: they do not host or give hospitality to someone you hate.
1) A woman should not allow anyone to enter her bedroom if her husband dislikes that, nor should she show hospitality to those whom he dislikes, nor receive in her house those whom he dislikes. All these are from the rights her husband has over her.
2) A husband should provide for his wife even if she is rich, because he is granted the right of being in charge of her in return for spending on her from what Allah Almighty has provided him with.
The levels of disciplining the wife are mentioned in the verse where Allah Almighty says: {As for those women on whose part you fear rebellion, [first] admonish them, [next] forsake them in bed, and [last] hit them [gently]} Hence, they are three levels:
1) That he gives her advice in a good manner. If she does not respond to the advice, he moves to the second level.
2) That he forsakes her in bed, but he does not leave the bed. Forsaking means that he turns his back to her or does not talk to her. Those who understand that it means to just leave their sleeping place are wrong in their understanding. If this method does not work, he moves to the third level.
3) That he beats her lightly, without harming her, if she persists in her disobedience.
277/5- Mu‘āwiyah ibn Haydah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that he said to Allah’s Messenger (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him): “O Messenger of Allah, what is the right the wife of one of us over him?” He said: “That you feed her when you feed yourself and clothe her when you clothe yourself, and you do not strike her on the face or revile her (by saying: ‘may Allah make your face ugly’), and you do not forsake her except inside the house.” [Hasan (sound) Hadīth narrated by Abu Dāwūd]
1) A husband is obligated to spend on his wife as he spends on himself. Providing for the wife is a due right of hers upon the husband.
2) The face is excluded from the permissible mild striking, because the face is the most honored part of the body. It is impermissible under the Shariah to strike the face.
3) It is forbidden to offend the wife physically or morally, such as taunting her for a physical defect in her, or telling her that she comes from a bad family, and the like.
04) Forsaking should be done at home only; he should not forsake her in public or make that noticed by people. Wisdom dictates that marital affairs should be concealed, so that when they reconcile with each other, everything goes back to normal without anyone knowing about the problem they had. Such is the state of the successful Muslim family.
278/6- Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: “The most perfect believers in terms of faith are the ones who have the most excellent manners, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.” [Narrated by Al-Tirmidhi; he classified it as Hasan Sahīh (sound and authentic)]
1) Faith is of various degrees, as indicated in the verse where Allah Almighty says: {...and the believers may increase in faith} The more excellent one’s character is, the more it is indicative of the strength of his faith.
2) The best among people are those who are best in treating their families.
3) Relatives are the most deserving of favor. So, if one is to do good to others, then his family is the worthiest of receiving such good.
One should be well-mannered with Allah Almighty and with His slaves. To be well-mannered with Allah Almighty is realized by accepting His Shariah, fully and willingly submitting to it with reassurance, and to be pleased with the predestination of Allah Almighty. Being well-mannered with people is to refrain from harming them, but treat them with generosity and show patience in the face of harm received from them.
279/7- Iyās ibn ‘Abdullāh ibn Abi Dhubāb (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Do not beat women.” ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) later came to the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) and said: “The women have become very daring towards their husbands,” so he (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) gave permission to beat them. Many women went to the wives of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) complaining of their husbands. So, he (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Many women have gone round Muhammad’s families complaining about their husbands. Those (husbands) are not the best of you.” [Narrated by Abu Dāwūd with an authentic Isnād]
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1) One should not beat his wife excessively. If there is a reason that entails beating her, he may do so, otherwise, he should not. Beating should be the last resort.
2) Frequent beating of the wife is a sign of the lack of good in the husband because the best of people are those who are best to their wives.
280/8- ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Ās (may Allah be pleased with him and his father) reported that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: “This world is but an enjoyment, and the best of its enjoyments is a righteous woman.” [Narrated by Muslim]
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1) When a man is blessed with a wife whose religion and reason are sound, then this is the best of the worldly enjoyment.
2) A righteous woman is the best provision that helps one have a safe journey to the Hereafter.
When Allah Almighty mentioned the blessings he bestowed upon His slave Zakariyya (Zachariah, peace be upon him), He said: {and We amended for him his wife} So, it is an indication of the slave’s good understanding of the religion that he seeks to reform his wife because reforming her is a reform to the whole family. This can be achieved by some matters including the following:
1- That he himself adheres to obedience to Allah Almighty, for the husband’s righteousness is a reason for the wife’s righteousness.
The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Establish the prayer, give charity, perform Hajj and ‘Umrah, and be upright so that others would be upright by following your way.” [Narrated by Al-Tabarāni in his three Mu‘jams on the authority of Samurah]
2- That he educates her within an environment of servitude to Allah Almighty: {Whoever does righteous deeds, male or female, while being a believer, We will surely grant him a good life} [Surat al-Nahl: 97]
3- That he constantly asks Allah Almighty to mend his wife: {and those who say, “Our Lord, let our spouses and children be a source of joy for us} [Surat al-Furqān: 74]
4- That he remains patient before temporary bad manners that his wife might show: {it may be that you dislike something which Allah has put much good in it.} [Surat an-Nisā’: 19]
5- That he ensures that his earnings are lawful, for it is the means to blessings, goodness, success, and prosperity: {O messengers, eat from the lawful things and act righteously} [Sūrat al-Mu’minūn: 51]